Here is the continuing saga of Soph... the fourth page of the Soph inspired jokes written by the fans... ENJOY!!!
I'll never forget it ya know!!!!!
One fall my boyfriend Ernie and I went and visted an Amish Farm. We were given a house of our own for a week. The owners' little boy stayed with us, to teach Ernie a thing or two about the farm. See, I know it all, so I knew how to handle the boy and the farm.
One morning the little boy came down to breakfast. I asked him if he did his chores "Not yet" he answered. "well, young man, no breakfast for ya till you do", I told him.
So, he storms out of the back door, pissed off like all kids get, that's why I ain't got none. I watched him from the kitchen window as he did his chores.
This is what he did:
While feeding the chickens, he kicked one. While feeding the cows, he kicked a cow. While feeding the pigs, he kicked a pig. He came back in and I gave him a dry bowl of cereal. He said: "Sophie, how come I don't get any eggs & bacon? How come I don't get any milk in my cereal?"
Ever politely I answer: "Well, I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs, I saw you kick a pig, so no bacon. Then I saw you kick a cow, so no milk either."
Just then my boyfriend Ernie stumbles toward the kitchen, half asleep, he kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at me and smiles He said: "Should you tell him, or should I??"
~Reenbette719
I will neva forget it ya know...
my girlfriend Clementine is full of nasty nasty jokes and nasty nasty stories...the other day she rang me up and she said to me "Soph, what do you call a virgin on a waterbed?"
I said "Clementine I haven't got any idea what the HELL do you call a virgin on a waterbed?"
She said "a cherry float, that's what."
-Jimbo
I Will never forget it you know..
The other day we were outside hanging laundry...Clementine said to me "Soph, what is the difference between sin and shame?"
I said "Clementine I honestly couldn't tell ya."
Clementine said to me "It's a sin to put it in, but it's a GODDAMN SHAME to pull it out!"
-Jimbo
I will NEVA forget it ya know...
I had had ENOUGH one day goddammit. Ernie came into the bedroom and saw me packing a suitcase. He says, "Soph (he always called me Soph) Soph, what are you doing?"
I answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas goddammit. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on my way out I walked into the bedroom and saw Ernie packing his suitcase. I said to him "Ernie, where the hell do you think you're going?"
Ernie said, "I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."
-Jimbo
I will Never forget it you know...
The other night I had this dream...
I dreamed I died and went to heaven. As I stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates I saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. I asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said I, "who's clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"And who's clock is that?" I asked.
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"O.K. St. Peter. I gotta know. Where's Ernie's clock?" I asked.
"Ernie's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
-Jimbo
I Will Never forget it you know...
"A couple of years ago, my boyfriend, Ernie, flew off to Vegas for a weekend of gambling. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home, back into my loving arms...
So Ernie went to the front of the casino, where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his Credit Card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said to Ernie, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
Ernie was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
A year or so later, Ernie having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy, the cabbie who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
Ernie thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. He got in the first cab in the line and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me some oral gratification on the way?" said Lucky Ernie.
"What?" said the cabbie, "Get the hell out of my cab!"
Ernie got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks."
Ernie said "ok" and off they went.
As they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, Ernie gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each cab driver in the line....
-Seafree
I Will Never Forget it you know..
One evening, me and my girlfriend Clementine decided that they would go down to the local bar and have a few drinks and a bite to eat.
They frequented this bar often, due to the daily dinner specials. Well, unbeknownst to them, the men at the bar got on the subject of penis size and eventually one thing led to another and it became a contest. One by one, they whipped out their members and laid them on the bar, each trying to outdo the other.
Just at that moment, Soph and Clementine entered the bar. "Oh boy," exclaimed Clementine, "Smorgasbord."
-Sue
I will nevah forget it you know...
My boyfriend Ernie found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle. "Master, may I grant you one wish?" asked the genie with a smile.
"Hey, bitch. Don't you know who I am? I don't need no woman givin' me nuttin! I got Soph around ain't that enough?" barked Ernie.
The genie pleaded, "But master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."
Ernie thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he said, "Okay, okay, I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning, so just do it!" Giving the genie an evil glare, he screamed, "Now leave me alone!"
The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle.
The next morning, Ernie woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken, and he had no health insurance.
-CC
I will Nevah forget it you know...
My girlfirend Clementine and I were having cocktails on the poarch while Ernie and Louis were working on the house.
My boyfriend Ernie, who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
Louis, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Ernie explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"
Well at that Louis got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
-CC
I will NEVAH forget it ya know.
One evening Clementine's family brings frail, old Clementine to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while Clementine slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while Clementine starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how Clementine is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," Clementine replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
~Ashley~
I'll neva forget you know.
My boyfriend Ernie and a friend were traveling the highway when one saw a sign that read "Granny's Whorehouse, two miles". They thought what the hell, let's check it out. They turned off the road at the next sign that said "This way to Granny's Whorehouse". Following the signs, the finally found the house with a sign "You have reached Granny's Whorehouse".
They went up to the porch and sure enough, there was Granny. "Can we look inside" Earnie wanted to know. "Nope" said Granny. "It's a hundred bucks each to get in. They discussed it for a moment and decided to go in. They paid Granny $200 and went through the door, only to find themselves immediately outside in the back yard.
They looked up and there was a sign...
"You've just been F?cked by Granny"
Sure taught Ernie a lesson
-Margo W
I'll NEVA forget it ya knoooooooow?
One day me and my girlfriend Clementine decided to skip our afternoon Margaritas and go out and get us some culture. We ended up at an art exhibition, amidst rows and rows of paintings, most of which were of a rather "adult" nature.
Well, we wandered around, taking a gander at the "artwork" before us, when we stopped at a painting entitled "Home for Lunch." The painting was of three black men, veeeeery naked except for their hard hats, sitting on a bench in an industrial area. What was unusual was that the men on both ends had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
"Clementine," I said. "Have you any idea why this fella in the middle has a PINK member instead of a black one? How the hell could this be?"
"Soph, I tell ya, I have no idea."
So there we stood, scratching our heads in an attempt to figure this one out, when the artist himself walkes up and introduces himself to us.
"Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.
"Well yes," I said. "We were curious about these here men in the picture. Why does the man in the middle have a PINK penis?"
"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."
-Susan
I'll nevah forget it, ya know!
My good friend Clementine had heard tale of this side-show psychologist who could tell ya what your obsessions were just by what you named your kids.
Clementine had three of 'em and thought for sure the doctor could tell her something good. So she schleps her kids off to see this guy. It was a group setting with several ladies and their children.
The doctor goes up to the first woman and says, "Madam, what is your daughter's name"?
"Penny" the dame replied.
"Well", says the doc, "you have an obsession with money and that is why you named your child Penny".
He goes to the next lady and asks, "And what is your child's name"?
"Candy" says the lady.
"My dear, you are obsessed with sugar" says the doc. "That is why you have named your daughter Candy".
Clementine jumps out of her seat and yells, "This is all a bunch of hooey! I'm getting out of here! Come along Peter, Rod, Dick".
-David
I will nevah forget it ya know!!
For my 80th birthday my boyfriend Ernie sent me on a fabulous trip to Hawaii!! When I got to the resort, I noticed a section of the beach were for nudes only!! Not letting this opportunity pass by, I stripped to my birthday suit and with nipples planted firmly into the wind, trotted on out to the beach.
As I was sunning my 80 year old ass, I noticed a very handsome and very naked young man walking towards me. When he got close enough, I couldn't help but notice he had tatooed the initials "W" & "Y" onto the shaft of his penis.
I said to him: "Excuse me sonny, but why the hell do you have the initials "W" & "Y" tatooed onto the shaft of your penis?"
The young man took his penis in his right hand and worked himself up into an erection. Tatooed on his penis was the name "WENDY." I said to him: "Is Wendy your girlfriend??"
"No" he said. "Wendy is the hottest babe on the island. All the guys who spend one night with her can't help but tatoo her name on their penis' because she is such a hot lover!"
A short time later, I noticed another very young and very well endowed man man walking towards me. When he got closer I couldn't help but notice he too had the initials "W" & "Y" tatooed onto the shaft of his penis.
I said to him: "Excuse me sonny, but did you have sex with Wendy too?"
He took his penis in his right hand, worked it up into an erection and the tatoo read: "Welcome to Hawaii! Have a nice day!!"
- Mark
I will Never forget it you know...
I was in the local bar with my boyfriend Ernie, having a few drinks to celebrate his 80th birthday. At the other end of the bar was a young woman with really hairy underarms. The young woman raised her hand to grab the bar-tenders attention, and asked him for a drink.
Ernie said to me "Soph, I'm gonna buy that dancer a drink.'
"Ernie," I says, "she's not a dancer."
"Yes she is," says Ernie, and he bought her drink.
15 minutes later, the woman raised her arm and asked the bartender for another drink. Ernie looked over at her, and said to me again, "Soph, I'm gonna buy that dancer another drink."
"Ernie," I replied, "she's not a dancer."
"Yes she is," says Ernie, and buys her another drink.
Again, 15 minutes passed, and the woman put her hand in the air and asked the bartender for a drink. Once again, Ernie saw her and informed me that he was going to buy the dancer a drink.
I turned to Ernie and said, "Ernie, she's NOT a dancer!! why do you keep insisting that she's a dancer?"
Ernie looked at me, looked at the dancer, looked at me again and said, listen Soph, any woman that can lift her leg that high above her head has GOTTA be a dancer!"
- Kaseymoo
I will NEVER forget it you know..
My boyfriend Ernie arrived home one day early from work. He rushed upstairs, whips open the bedroom door to find me aked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"Soph, Soph" (he always calls me Soph), "What's up? I heard noises coming from here."
I says to him, "Ernie I'm having a heart attack."
He rushed downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, our 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Louie's hiding in your closet and he ain't got no clothes on!"
Ernie slammed the phone down and stormed back upstairs into the bedroom, past me screaming, and ripped open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there was Louie, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You bastard!!!" says Ernie. "My girlfriend Soph's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"
- CC
I will nevah forget it you know...
Me and my boyfriend Ernie are talking one day, and I asks Ernie, "Hey Ernie, why can't you masturbate with these two fingers?" As I hold out my index and middle finger.
"I don't know Soph, why?" replies Ernie.
"Because they're mine", says Soph.
- Sue
I Will Nevah forget it you know...
Ernie was in the local bar one day complaining that his sex life with Soph had become a little boring after years of being together. So, his buddy said "Ernie, haven't ya tried the latest fad called Rodeo sex?"
"No" replied Ernie.
"Man, It's fantastic! You mount Sophie from behind. Grab a hand full of her hair with both hands. Lock your elbows down into her sides. Lean over and whisper in her ear..." "You know Soph, Your sisters box is tighter than yours"...then you just try to hang on for 8 seconds!!!!"
- Deb
I will nevah forget it you know...
I was having tea one day with my girlfriend Clementine.
"Forget the tea, pour me a stiff drink please Clementine," I says to her, "I just had another fight with my boyfriend Ernie."
"Oh yeah," says Clementine. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," I says, "I went to him on my hands and knees."
"You did WHAT? Really? Now that's a switch! What did you say"?
"I said to him, 'ERNIE, Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel !!!'"
-CC
I will NEVAH forget it you know...
My boyfriend Ernie decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he pops into the newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the newsagent "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35" was the reply.
"I'm actually 47 years old" Ernie says to the guy, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into the Fish & Chip shop to celebrate. Before leaving, he asks the same question, to which the reply is "Oh, you look about 29" This makes him feel really good.
Whilst standing at the bus stop my boyfriend Ernie asks an old woman the same question.
She replies "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your trousers and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
Being as there was nobody around Ernie thought what the hell, and let her slip her hand down his trousers.
Ten minutes later the old lady says "You are 47 years old."
Stunned my boyfriend Ernie the shmuck says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in the Chip shop"
-CC
I will nevah forget it ya know...
I was out for a joyride with my girlfriend Clementine in her new, and might Iadd, Fast...Corvette. When all of a sudden we were pulled over by a rather large and handsome Highway Patrol officer. The officer came to the car and got Clementine's license and registration and went back to his patrol car.
Well, after writing up the speeding ticket he got out of the car and was returning to us and I noticed that his penis was hanging out of his pants.
Clemintine (the poor ol' gal) burst into a fit of rage yelling "Oh No!!! Not another Breathalyzer test!!!!
- Deb
"Clementine! What do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster?"
" Gee Soph, I don't know, what do ya get?"
"Well Clementine, usually you get an owl with a stupid looking neck. But if you're lucky, you get a cock that stays up all night!"
-Jimbo
"Oh Clementine!"
"Yes Soph..."
"What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?"
"Ya know Soph I'm really not sure..."
"It said if we don't get some support soon people are going to think we're nuts!"
-Jimbo
I'll nevah forget it ya know!!
One day the local Rabbi was cleaning out his storage room when he suddenly realized he had a terrible dilema. After every circumcision he performed he saved the foreskin. And now he was up to his ass in foreskins.
The Rabbi didn't want to toss them out. So he rang up my boyfriend Ernie which many do not know is a skilled craftsman of leather goods.
The Rabbi brought Ernie the thousands of foreskins and Ernie knew right off what to do with them. He told the Rabbi to come back in a week.
When the Rabbi came back in a week, Ernie showed him what he had donewith those thousands of little foreskins. He made a wallet out of them!!
The Rabbi said: "Ernie...I gave you thousands of forskins and all you were able to do with them was make me this tiny little wallet??"
Ernie says, "Rabbi...if you rub the wallet the right way it turns into a suitcase!!"
-Mark
I will Neva Forget it ya know! I said to my girlfriend Clementine the other day, I said "Clementine! What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary all have in common?"
Clementine said "Good God Soph I have absolutely no idea. What the hell do they have in common?"
"Well Clementine," I said, "unfortunately they're all things that Ernie misses!"
-Jimbo
I will NeVA forget it ya know...
My girlfriend Clementine was a devout Catholic all her life. (There's switch eh? Usually she's the queen of slutland in these jokes...) She had never married, and being true to her religion, had neva done the nasty. On her 80th birthday she went to the doctor because she had somewhat of an itch in her "special area."
She told the doctor the problem and he said "well Clementine, you have crabs."
Clementine informed the doctor that it could not be crabs because she was proudly an 80 year old virgin. So she went to anotha doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said "Clementine, you probably have crabs girl."
Clementine said "No, I am proudly an 80 year old virgin."
Becoming frustrated she went to a third doctor. "Docta" she said "I have an itch in my crotch. Don't tell me it's crabs because I am proudly an 80 year old virgin. It can not be crabs."
So the doctor said "Well Clementine you better let me have a look."
So Clementine climbed up onto the table and sprrrrread eagle. After examining, the doctor proclaimed "Clementine, you're right, you do not have crabs. This cherry is so goddamn old, you have fruit flies!"
-Jimbo
I Will Never forget it ya know....
My girlfriend Clementine and I were having a little afternoon cocktail the other day, just shooting the breeze, when Clementine says to me "So tell me Soph, how did you meet your boyfriend Ernie anyway?"
"Well Clementine, I was in the bar one day and a very shy guy comes in and sees me sitting there at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally starts to make his way over, so I figure I'd have some fun with him.
He came over to me and asks oh so sweetly, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
"What then?" asked Clementine.
I responds by yelling, at the top of my lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at poor little Ernie.
Naturally, Ernie was hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes of laughing over the poor schlep, I felt a pang of conscience and I walked over to him and apologized. I smiled at him and said, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I was just a little bored sitting there and was actually hoping you'd come talk to me."
To which Ernie responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?"
Smug son of a bitch. I knew right then we were meant to be together.
-Jimbo
I WILL NEVA FORGET IT YA KNOOOOOOOOOW.....
My boyfriend Ernie...and his best friend Louie... drove to a gas station in a remote district for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the patrons of the station, to anybody who purchased a full tank of gas.
When they went inside to pay, Ernie asked the attendant about the contest. The attendant said, "If you win, you're entitled to free sex."
Ernie of course, horny little bastard that he is, asked how he could enter the contest. The attendant explained "Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10. If you guess it right you win free sex."
So Ernie and Louie like the idiots they are filled up and asked to play the contest and afterwards Ernie said, " I Guess 7."
"Sorry I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant.
The next week, Ernie and Louie trotted on back to the very same gas station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, Ernie asked the attendant if the contest was still going on. "Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex."
"2", said Ernie.
"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. Come back soon and try again."
As they were walking back to the car, Louie said to Ernie, "You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."
"No way," said Ernie, "Somehow Soph wins twice a week."
-Jimbo
I'll nevah forget it ya know........
Every time my husband Ernie and I would have sex, he'd turn the light off. Why I don't think I could remember a time where we actually did it with the light on. So this one time, Ernie gets on top of me and I, unbeknownst to him, turn the light on.
Well I look down and I am appalled! I says to him, "Why you impotent bastard! You been using a dildo on me!! Now how are ya gonna explain this one?"
Ernie looks over at me and says, "Well Soph, I'll tell ya this....I'll explain the dildo if you explain the 3 kids!!!!!"
-Melinda
I will nevah forget it you know...
The other day I was trottin' over to see my girlfriend Clemetine's new house. On the way I spied an old farmer carrying an anvil inside a bucket in one hand, 1 chicken under each arm and a goose in the other hand.
I says to him, "Mr. Farmer, can you tell me where 1515 Mockingird Lane is?"
He says to me, "As a matter of fact I'm going to visit my brother who lives at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and head down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there."
I says to him, "Mr. Farmer, how do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?"
The farmer says, "I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens and a goose. How in the hell could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
"Well," I says, "Set down the goose, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
-dallasrobert
I'll neva forget it ya know....
One day my girlfriend Clementine was out for a drive with a few other gals from the old folk's home. They went on the highway, cruising along. Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees their car buttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls poor Clementine over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five other old ladies--one in the front passenger seat and three in the back--wide eyed and white as ghosts.
Clementine, a tad confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour!" dear mush-for-brains Clementine replied, a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, Clementine smiled and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
-Susan
I will never forget it you know...
I was talking to my girlfriend Clementine over the back fence one morning...
I says to her "Clementine, me and my boyfriend Ernie are not going to have any more children becuase I finally got myself a hearing aid."
Clementine looks at me funny and replies "Soph, You've got six kids already. How will a hearing aid effect your having more kids?"
"Well, I just discovered that Ernie always says, 'Do you want to roll over and go to sleep, or what?' and I always used to say 'What?"
-CC
Soph, our famous red-hot mama songtress, had made it into the White House at last. This last week she was over in Iraq discussing issues with Saddam Hussein over their conflicts. She noticed on his chair were three buttons. He hit one button and this boxing glove knocked our good 'ol Soph in the jaw!
Soph, of course, was appalled as Saddam laughed merrily. He hit the 2nd button and the same glove, out of nowhere, socked Soph in the stomach! Soph was not amused.
When Saddam hit the 3rd button, a glove came up and whacked Soph right in the crotch. Saddam laughed till he was nearly out of his seat. "That's it!" Soph roared. "Next week at the White House...I'll see YOU there!" And Saddam agreed.
In the White House that next week, Saddam sat nervously in a chair eyeing President Soph. He noticed three buttons on her chair. She gingerly pressed the first one and Saddam jumped from his chair. Yet, nothing happened. Soph began giggling. She hit the 2nd button and Saddam ducked for cover under the chair. Yet again, nothing happened. When she hit the 3rd button, Saddam didn't flinch.
"This is ridiculous," He said, "I'm going back to Baghdad."
Soph smiled. "Baghdad...what Baghdad?"
-SPIN
I will never forget it.
My girlfriend Clementine was having a liason with the local undertaker and she called me up and said, "Soph, Soph, you gotta come down here to the funeral parlor and see something you will never believe!"
So I threw on my new hat and a fur and proceeded to Clementine's new beau's place of employment. When I arrived, Clementine grasped me by the arm and literally drug me to the back. There, lying in a coffin was a gentleman with a rather large appendage.
She says to me, "Soph, Soph, would you look at that? It's so big Eddie can't close the coffin over it!"
I said "Clementine, you brought me down here to see that?"
She says, "Soph, Soph, look at it! Have you ever seen anything like it?"
I says to her, "Clementine," I says, "Clementine, my boyfriend Ernie has the exact same thing at home."
She says, "That Big!!!!???"
I took one last look before waltzing out the door and I say to her, "No, That DEAD!"
-Ricky