Here we are, at long last the episode guide to BETTE!
Now you can remember your favs, see which you missed, or just check out all the great comedy filled story lines, guest stars and laughs.

Enjoy!
-CC

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--Pilot w/ Danny Devito (Oct 11, 2000 ) Bette, a superstar, wife and mother, shows her true insecurities when her husband, Roy, falls asleep before making love. Bette, sure that his drowsiness is caused by his lack of attraction to her, consults a plastic surgeon and invests in a fancy exercise machine from Sweden in the hopes that they will make her sexy again. Also, she tries to recapture her youth by being a hip mom to daughter Rose, something that simply mortifies the 13-year-old girl.

-"And the Winner Is" w/ David James Elliot, George Segal, Sharon Lawrence(Oct. 18, 2000) When Bette forgets to thank her husband, Roy, during an award's acceptance speech, she goes overboard trying to make it up to him. Bette knows that the only way to remedy the situation is to thank him during another acceptance speech. So, she and Connie agree to an award given by The American Film Institute -or so they think!

-"Halloween" w/ Dolly Parton (Oct 25, 2000) Bette guest stars on Dolly Parton's special and the two get along great - but not as great as the rest of Bette's family and friends do. Meanwhile, Bette is upset that Rose thinks she is to old to go trick-or-treating with her and has Roy step in to convince her daughter that she is still young enough to enjoy time with her mother. Bette dresses up like Dolly for the evening and wrecks havoc on the neighborhood when the two go searching for the best candy. *songs include "Moses", "Islands in the Stream" (Delores & Dolly) and "Shining Star" * Let's just say Dolly isn't the ONLY one that Bette dresses up as...

-"Silent But Deadly" (Nov 1, 2000)

Bette is diagnosed with nodes on her vocal cords and is not allowed to talk for 24 hours. This poses a major problem since Bette loves to talk all the time. Bette must go about her daily activities without uttering a word; and, her silence also puts a rift between her and Roy - he thinks that she is giving him the silent treatment after a morning fight.

-"Two Days at A Time" w/ Oprah (Nov 8, 2000)

Bette is asked to participate in Oprah's book club but, because of her hectic schedule, never has time to actually read the book she is to discuss on television.

-"Color of Roses" w/ the Harlettes (Nov 16, 2000)

Bette asks Oscar to produce a song on her new album, but when they get into the recording studio, she refuses to let him do anything.
**Awesome "renditions" of Color of Roses including the album version, Disco, rap, regae and gospel w/ a choir** this is the one I saw taped in LA

-"In My Life" (Nov 22, 2000) Bette reminisces about how she met the most important people in her life and we get a glimpse back to see how she met Connie, her husband, Roy and Oscar. As well as a look at the day her daughter, Rose, was born.

-"I Love This Game" w/ Kobe Bryant & Laker Girls (Nov 29, 2000)

Bette lets Roy believe that she has gotten him floor seats to the Lakers' game for his birthday and then has to scramble to find three floor seats to the sold out Staples Center. She finally manages to get tickets through Oscar's contact with Kobe Bryant, but the seats aren't exactly the best. When she tries to remedy the situation, she insults an usher, railroads a Boy Scout and dislocates the finger of Kobe.

"...Or Not to Be" w/ Tim Curry & Harlettes (Dec 13)

Bette finagles her way into Tim Curry's production of "Hamlet" and then is worried that she may not have what it takes to pull off Shakespeare. Roy gives her the confidence she needs and she turns the Dane's prologue into a true Bette production number -complete with Harlettes.

-"Diva Interupted" w/ Harlettes (Dec 20)

When Bette is left off of US Weekly's list of the "50 Most Powerful People in Hollywood" she hires a hotshot publicist to handle her. Together they come up with a scheme to have her suffer a nervous breakdown and then make an astonishing "comeback." However, the whole plan backfires in Bette's face and she ends up really looking nuts.

-"True Story" w/ Joy, Star, Lisa & Meridith from The View. (Jan 9th, 2001)

Bette makes up a story about saving a drowning boy when she appears on The View and her little white lie snowballs into a huge story. Not only does she try to right her bad karma by doing a PSA on the importance of CPR, but she also finds herself back n The View meeting the "boy" that she supposedly saved.

--"Of Men and Meatballs" w/ Tony Danza of Family Law (Jan 10, 01)

Bette and Connie go out on the town for some fun and to hopefully fix Connie up with a nice, handsome, single guy. Their quest, however, takes them from not so good to worse as they encounter two twenty-somethings, a Mama's boy, and an over-eager stuntman.

-"Big Business" w/ Fred Willard ( Jan 24 2001)

Bette decides to design an outfit to sell on television when her schedule is freed up by a movie postponement. She enlists the help of an up and coming designer but in the end, designs the outfit herself and the thing is more than hideous.

-"The Invisible Mom" w/ Olivia Newton-John and her daughter, Chloe Rose (2/07/2001) Bette volunteers at Rose's school and is snubbed by another volunteer mom, Olivia Newton-John. Meanwhile, Connie comes to see Bette at the high school to take care of some business and ends up in the girls' bathroom counseling the teenagers on love, breakups and hickey cover-ups.

-"Polterguest" w/ John Lovitz

Bette's new neighbor, Jon Lovitz, needs a place to stay while his house is being remodeled and Bette graciously lets him bunk at her place. But his odd behavior and his constant leering at Connie has everyone feeling a little creepy - especially when he announces to Bette that there is a "black cloud" hanging over her house and the only way to get rid of the bad energy is to sell.

"Brand New Roy" w/ Robert Hays as Roy Roy is acting like a totally new person - and looking like one too (Robert Hays joins the cast as Roy). He and Bette want to spend a romantic evening alone so Roy plans a trip to Paris for dinner. But, the plane is delayed, the other passengers are hostile and a dog uses Bette as a fire hydrant. So much for romance.

***** If you live anywhere but North America...... The Last 4 Episodes appear differently....

#15 is ... 'The Grammy Pre-Show'

The entire family is excited to be going to the Grammy's where Bette is scheduled to perform. Connie misplaced some rather pricy earrings and in the course of finding them sets a new fashion statement. Oscar's Granny is thrown into the mix, straight from England. And Bette as always is attempting to "cheat" on the diet she's on to get into the dress for the gala. Rose it seems is more excited about the other performers she's going to see at the show, than about the fact her mom is singing. Definately a half hour of laughs and hijinxs.

#16 is ... 'Polterguest'

#17 is ... 'A Brand New Roy'

#18 is ... 'Method To Her Madness - final episode'

Bette decides to go undercover to do research for a part she really wants. She decides to become the character. A hilarious view of the Diva, a truckstop, and pink polyester. You want fries with that?